Nobody wants to talk about death planning. It’s worse than “the birds and the bees” talk.
My mother was brilliant at avoiding that conversation; she deflected attempts to ask her about her final wishes like it was Bullet Time. And then when we absolutely needed to know, it was too late for conversations and we’re left trying to figure out what she would have wanted.
No one wants to talk about your plan because it makes them imagine a world without you in it. You don’t want to bring it up because it feels morbid and depressing and like you’re tempting fate somehow.
So most families just don’t talk about it.
Here’s what I learned eventually: don’t make the conversation about death. Make it about being prepared.
Instead of “When I die, here’s what I want you to do,” try “I’m getting my affairs organized so you don’t have to worry about anything if there’s ever an emergency.”
Instead of “Here’s my will,” try “I want to make sure you know where to find important information if you ever need it.”
Instead of “Let’s plan my funeral,” try “I’ve been thinking about my preferences for end-of-life care, and I’d like you to know what they are.”
The conversation is the same, but the framing makes it less scary and more practical.
I can’t speak for my mother, but it seems most people are actually relieved to have these conversations once they start. The anticipation that’s worse than the reality.
And honestly, if a family can’t handle a calm, practical conversation about emergency preparedness, how are they going to handle an emergency?
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